Sunday, October 09, 2005

Dog 4 Sale

For sale:

AKC Registered German Shepherd-"Princess of Light and Roxy," answers to "Princess." Also answers to "dog."
  • Obsessive personality-must touch you with at least one paw, usually with whole body; chases tail, won't share it; hoards red rubber balls, will fetch them even from your hand (hand might be left intact).

  • Eats most anything. Prefers carrots, popcorn, and anything not picked up in the yard (including what she has left there!)

  • Cannot understand that she is seventy pounds and knocks things down when she jumps up. Has broken picture frames, objects on the counter, and has scared small children to death.

  • Barks incessantly. Has reduced the incidences of door-to-door sales in our home.

  • Darts out the front door and runs down the street at every possible opportunity. Has to be chauffered home in the family Suburban, otherwise won't come home.

  • Source of our current tick problem which has cost me the price of a new, stronger vacuum cleaner and pesticides which will probably lead to some rare disease down the road. (But thank goodness we won't get Lyme Disease-which I am told is as likely to be passed to us as a meteor is to hit our house!)

  • Is so protective of her family that their friends cannot wrestle or swing a light saber at them without fearing for thier lives!

  • Keeps us company on rainy nights, even in thunder and lightning.

  • Guards the house while we are out and at night.

  • Loves us no matter how many times we yell at her or call her "bad dog".

  • Doesn't seem to mind being called "dumb dog," and willingly takes the blame for anything..

  • Eats unwanted food groups and keeps the floor vacuumed.

  • Always acts glad to see us, whether we've been gone for a few minutes, or a week.

Never mind. I think we'll keep her!

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