Sunday, November 06, 2005

Learning to Trust God Together

Dear Josh, Stephen, and Andrew,

Tonight I had to tell you that Daddy wants me to put you in school next year. I was so careful to make sure you know that he is concerned about you and that he wants what is best for you. We just disagree on what that is. I really debated over whether to tell you or not, but all to often, I protect you from knowing things, and unintentionally protect you from seeing our amazing God do amazing things. I want you to see Him work in this situation. I want you guys to pray with me and watch Him move mountains if home schooling is His plan for us. I want you to see Him provide for me, a single mom, to stay home and care for you and teach you about Him. That is why I told you. It was very hard.

None of you were happy. In fact, you were worried, upset, angry. I don't blame you. It is hard to be a kid and have so many difficult things happen and not have any control over it. I know because I am an adult and it has been hard to not have control over so many of the bad things that have happened. But at least I have a lot of promises from God to fall back on, and I believe them, even if I am often filled with doubts. I cannot imagine how hard it is to face problems and not have a stong faith in Him to cling to. But hopefully as you watch me, you will learn how good He is, that He can be trusted, and that He really does love us. I am praying that His perfect love will cast out our fear.

Please know that I am praying about all of this. The three of you are my greatest, most valued treasures. Sometimes the value I place on you controls my heart, and that controls what I want to do. But I am praying that God will help me to know what HE wants us to do, and I have promised Him I will do that, even if it doesn't make me feel so happy. As much as I love spending my days learning phonics rules and math facts, and exploring medieval castles and various kinds of whales with you, I do not ever want to stand in the way of what God wants to teach you. Nothing I could teach you would ever help you please Him if it wasn't what He wanted us to do. So I will pray, I will wait, and I will listen. And I will encourage you to do it with me.

I love you boys with my life. Only God loves you more. Love, Mom

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