Sunday, January 25, 2009

Rambling on Trials That Never Cease

My sister is in a lot of trouble right now. Without going into it, she has made some choices, the results of which have left her once again severely depressed, hopeless, and nearing the point of suicide. It is a miracle that God has preserved her life thus far.

This weekend, the boys have all been staying with friends. I needed the time to pray--about school decisions, and training them, and Robyn. More too. Just lots of decisions and trouble. I actually reached a point of peace yesterday. It was weird--I had some errands I had to run, and walking through Walmart I felt disconnected from the frenzy and chaos around me. People scurrying like ants to do things that wouldn't matter in a day, a month, or a year. Although I was alone, I sensed my Best Friend alongside me.

I prayed this weekend that God would make me freshly aware of His presence. He did it in a strange way--mostly through forcing me to rehearse what I believe by reminding my sister of it. He is here. He is in control. He does love me. All is for His glory and my good. No plan B, only plan A.

I blew it for a while last night--got caught up in a show I like to watch. But today everything is quiet, and I've decided to keep it that way. I still have a lot to pray about, and lots of decisions pressing in on me. My sister is still a mess. I have to increase my income. I have to make decisions about school next year. So many things.

But for now I still have a few hours alone with my Beloved.

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