School is starting again. In some ways it is like most other years, or at least the last few years. I'm not completely ready to begin. The boys are excited about the first day, but eager to shed that excitement since they know that work and routine follow it. The major difference this year is that Josh is going to school. Not doing school, but going--to the private school our church runs.
I had already planned out in my head most of what I wanted him to do this year, but after he was in the play, he started asking about maybe going to school there. Oddly, it didn't even make me flinch. I know so many of the teachers there, and am involved in the school even though I don't have kids attending. I told Josh he needed to make a firm decision, and that we would begin the process, trusting that God would make clear to us what He wanted for Josh.
At the time we applied, there wasn't even an opening in the 8th grade class. I assumed we had our answer, even though in the back of my mind I knew God could easily still indicate differently. But part way through summer, I got a call saying they had decided to open another class. I quickly scrambled to get some financial records completed, meanwhile the administration was very gracious with me and understanding of my financial situation. (Summer was hard because I wasn't working one of my part-time jobs--a serious decrease in income!) One thing after another fell into place, and here we are, finishing the first week of school with Josh away during the day.
Emotionally I have had mixed feelings. It is still hard to school the younger two boys. Both are still easily distracted (AJ got distracted during reading lessons this morning by a hang nail on MY finger!), but we don't have Josh home to add to the confusion and busyness. I miss him terribly during the day, and miss knowing the details of his day, but there is a certain sense of relief that this year it is not my responsibility.
My goals this year are to really get things going and to help the boys find the environments that best suit their learning needs. I've always felt too pulled apart to work on that. I also must get AJ reading. He is having a terrible time, and I am fearful that someone will finally blame me (even though I know it is learning difficulties, and I am doing what my financial situation and resources will allow). I'm very slowly working on establishing a little more order in the house.
Josh isn't thrilled with attending school, but he likes it. He says it is still school. He likes the order and schedule, and being with his friends, of course. He likes the teachers he has. I think he's even going to like the classes, and I'm not expecting him to feel overwhelmed with the work load (although having to come home and do it after a whole day at school may be a bother).
Most of all, I feel like for this year, this is where God wants us. I'm pleased with it . . . a little anxious about the financial demands, but trusting God who has provided for us thus far.
Then again, we'll see in a month how at peace I am with 7am mornings and kids who won't get up!