Watch Out Copola! There's a New Director in Town!

Last week the boys and I went to the two-day state homeschool convention in Orlando. (Thanks Mom!) Josh attended a teen conference run by Summit Ministries. I was eager for him to go and hear teaching on worldviews done by some of the most respected trainers of teens in the country. Stephen and AJ went with me to the convention, but the second day AJ decided to stay with the friends we spent the weekend with and play with their kids. Stephen and I had so much fun looking at stuff together, but I knew I was in trouble when he found a stop-motion video animation kit. It came with the camera for the computer and a very complete manual for a very economical price.

I ended up splitting the cost with him, and he made his first video today. He has already added narration and is hoping to add sound effects, but I need to help him do a little more research to be able to post the Windows Movie Maker version here. It is my hope that this summer he will begin learning more about movie-making. Several weeks ago he bought a low-end video/digital camera with money he had saved, and I'm beginning to think that with his interest in artwork and video, he has found a creative hobby that he could pursue further.

Notice that his video includes lots of car chases and fights. And yes, Doc Ock's head and hair did come off at the end. You'll probably see much more of this kind of stuff!

The Economic Power of the Church

I had several interesting conversations last weekend while I visited with friends--things I have thought about for a long time now, but have been unsure how to communicate. As I put these several conversations together, I realized that I think the universal church fails to realize both its potential and its mission when it comes to economic power. Too often we concentrate on using our dollar to try to influence the world to be something it's not, and we neglect using our dollars to build what is eternal.

I often get e-mails encouraging me to boycott this company or that because of their stand against a moral issue or their support of an immoral one. I am not against boycotting per se, I just am not sure it always does what is intended. When it is used carelessly or too frequently, I fear we Christians turn ourselves into just another political cause instead of people called to live life differently and to make lasting changes in our culture. I am concerned about our testimony to the world when we expect it to believe and live as anything other than the spiritually dead, fallen reprobates that they are (and which we all were!). Even if we compelled unbelievers to live moral lives, they would still be just as immoral inside, and in fact might be farther away from seeing how much they need to be saved from themselves. If we expect them to live by the law, and they do, why do they need Jesus? Isn't it in fact greater evidence for the global need of a different way that every free culture, regardless of their form of government, religion, or philosophy, has ended up leaving its individuals, families, and economy (and nearly everything else) a broken mess? While I am not at all saying that as believers we should be silent about what scripture teaches or watch indifferently as the world steadfastly marches itself into destruction, I'm not always sure that using worldly methods like boycotts and petitions is the most effective way of causing change.

Don't misunderstand me, we are supposed to be causing change in our culture. But as I look at scripture and church history, it seems to me that change was brought about personally, deliberately, and sacrificially. The early church rocked Roman culture by caring for widowsm rescuing orphans, and worshipping God at great personal cost. Revival was brought about by individuals leaving the comforts of their homes and living as friends among native cultures, imitating more of their ways than criticizing or correcting them. Christianity is sweeping China because of the determination of believers to worship the living God even if they cannot sway their government to allow it. Part of the disadvantage of living in an extremely wealthy, techno-informational age is that I can transfer a little money by computer to my favorite charity, return to my cyber-game (or blog . . . heh), and feel good that I've done something to make the world a better place. I can pass along a handful of critical chain letters and petitions no one will really ever see by e-mail, and make myself feel like I've engaged the culture. The truth is, culture is at my front door, waiting for me to open up and let them into my messy life that has found hope in Jesus.

We don't have to go half-way around the world to impact it for Christ. Churches are filled with widows longing to invest the wisdom they have learned through suffering in the next generation of believers but are hindered in doing so because they are forced economically into the busy pace of the workplace. Fatherless children become virtual orphans as their already exhausted mothers work all day to provide financially and all night to provide everything else. How many times have I moaned and complained about my "difficult" life while standing next to someone who wonders how they will even make it through the next day, much less the next week? Even within our churches, culture is waiting at the door. To spread the kingdom of God throughout the world, we should be giving them snapshots of the difference He makes in our relationships, finances, families, etc. instead of giving them lectures of how to be good.

And I'm back to our economic power. We willingly give money to spread the Gospel to a few Muslim souls at a time but send single moms back to work and their children to the influence of government schools and child care. (Sorry to keep banging this one on the head, but it's a soft-spot for me!) We compassionately share to provide abused orphans secure homes, leaving recent widows struggling through grief and lonliness alone once the funeral is over and life resumes. We buy ourselves more Christian self-help books, when helping ourselves might best be done by cleaning house for elderly couples, taking time to help provide care for belivers in retirement homes and hospitals, and taking bags of groceries to the family who just lost their job. We have to begin bringing the broken, hurting believer right next to us in the pew into our lives and families. Then we should look for ways to do it all over again for the rest of the world.

I know that part of what holds us back is the monumental cost that seems to linger under caring for so many needs, but all we really need is a lot or prayer, a bit of creativity and a willingness to show grace and love. Hire the widow to provide housecleaning or daycare for your children instead of outsourcing that. Teach the single mother to perform a job she can do from home, or mentor her as she starts her own business. Invite a fatherless boy over to help with chores, then go to his house and help him do them there. Pay a little more for services that keep mothers of school-age children at home so they can be at home to share the Gospel throughout the day with their kids. And begin trusting that as we use what we have wisely, God will pour out on us the means to do even more. We have to stop forcing worldly models for resolving circumstances upon believers (which typically hinder relationships instead of nurturing them), and instead allow grace and show support to one another for the unique vision God gives each of us. Those of us who feel called to live simple lives at home should find ways to use that to serve those of us who are called to the workplace, trusting that God is working to perfect all of us according to His Word. And we need to stop clinging to the Gospel as all our own, and see the work of Christ for the kingdom-expanding work that it is.

Claim everything for the king! And use everything we have to claim it! Until He comes again.

I Still Miss You, Mom.

I was so young when I lost my mother, just 27. It seems so long ago now. I don't grieve the way many people do--don't visit cemeteries much, don't linger over old photos (kind of weird for a photographer, I know), and for a story-teller, I don't even tell my stories much. I guess my grieving is done deep inside me over a very long period of time. Maybe that's why I stay such a mess . . . why it is taking me so long to heal from all the disappointments and losses in my life.

I miss my mom. I wish she was here to talk to about all the hard stuff. She was always there to listen. Sometimes I think I'm making a mess of my life (Yes, Eva, I know. There's no plan B.), but one thing I love about what she taught me: how to put relationships first. She was so great at that. Sure, she probably drove some of her friends nuts with her type A intense personality, but I remember how much she invested of herself in those around her. Even her perfectionism was aimed at making others comfortable (although raking the shag carpet never did much for me).

I miss hearing my mom read to me. She read to my sister and I long after we could read to ourselves--The Chronicles of Narnia, A Bear Called Paddington, Pippi Longstocking. I tell people now that when I look back, I realize that I was government-schooled AND I was homeschooled. My mom just couldn't stop being a teacher, or a learner, just because we weren't in a classroom.

Mom died just as I became a new mom. I am confident God knew what He was doing, but it has never made much sense to me. Just when I needed someone to tell me how to be a mom, she was gone. Even though I don't think about it much, I still feel like I need her today. I wonder if she would have been proud of what I've done, trying to stay home with my boys like she did with us, trying to take responsibility for raising them and teaching them and loving them. God has faithfully provided me lots of other "moms," some very wonderful and close, but just as one of them told me none have taken her place.

I know that heaven should comfort me, but right now, while I'm here and she's there and I can't see heaven's beauty or know the depth of connection and belonging there, I don't feel enough comfort. I realized that there she won't be my mom, though I think that perhaps that I will feel equally connected to everyone. Am I confusing you? Good, because I don't understand it. Suffice it to say, right now knowing that I will see her again doesn't completely comfort me. I just want my mom here and now, and I'll never have that again.

Ugghhh. I sound like I'm drowning in sadness, but actually I'm grateful. I loved my mom, and I know she loved me. She was my dearest and best friend. So much of what I beleive and love has been impacted by her that I miss not being able to share it with her. At the same time, as I write I realize how much grief I still have over her absence in my life.

I miss you, Mom. Happy Mother's Day.

I'm SO Not Ready for Teenage Girls!

Today was a first . . . another first . . . and where I was eager for them when the boys were small, I'm not so thrilled with them now. Josh was asked over to a girl friend's house to "hang out." Now we've had playdates with girls before, but this was NOT a playdate. After quickly saying yes, I realized that I needed a little more info. Were her parents home? Or someone to supervise? What did they plan on doing? And so on. I had to have "a talk" with Josh about what was appropriate and what was not, because all the rules have changed now. And although he said he knew all of it, I still feel a bit uncomfortable with this whole realm of hormones and attractions, as well as with how planned out teen girls are compared to the fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants nature of boys. Mind you, this was not a "date" nor do I think that he and this girl are interested in each other except as friends, but still . . . the potential is now always there. And I've found myself going through moments of panic this afternoon wondering what I don't know yet. Ugh.

They called a few minutes ago, well . . . actually she called (of course) and want me to meet them at Starbuck's to hang out for a while. Guess they still have stuff to discuss. Hmmm . . . this IS kind of funny. And as I consider this . . . there is so much room for fun at my son's expense! I'm going for an hour. Cinnamon Buns!!! Leaving my little boys was so much easier--all I had to do was find a sitter! Now the sitters are the ones with my son, so I have to do the chaperoning!!! Isn't there something I can give Josh to prevent this disease just a little longer?

I really need to find a husband to help me with this.

Yes. More from Me.

Just what I need! A new blog!

After considering the advice from a friend, I have started a new blog: for movie reviews . I will be posting my reviews here as I watch DVD's and movies, TV shows, and the like. Maybe I'll even have some "guest" reviewers (ages 13 and 10--not sure I should have the 8-year-old reviewing yet). My hope is to provide the common man's (or woman's) Chrisitian view on media. I really hate trying to find reviews that take a parent's opinion into account. They either are too picky (understandably, since they are providing everything for consideration) or too approving. So here's my humble take on what's out there.

More Play Stuff

OK. More photos from the play.



I have received lots of compliments on Josh's performance. Quite a few of my friends who know him well have expressed surprise over his ability to deliver such a commanding presence. Not that I'm surprised--he commands a lot around here! (Sometimes when he should be asking instead!)

The interesting twist to his exposure to all of this is that he has asked to go the the Christian academy at our church next year. It would be the last year that he is able to go (they only have grades through Jr. High). We are seeking out the possibility, and praying about it. For now it doesn't look likely--the 8th grade class is full right now, and unless I get a lot of financial help I can't afford it--but I keep telling him that if that is where God wants him, nothing will stand in our way. Please keep us in your prayers as we explore that option. I'm content with either direction--Josh being in school would free things up here a bit so I could work more with the younger two, and would get us on more of a schedule. Him being home is great too since I kind of know in my head what direction I want to take for next year with him.

Sola deo gloria!

A Midsummer Night's Dream

What I wish I was having.



Actually, it was the play Josh was in tonight. It was a version edited for Jr. High production, and was very cute. It was also a very difficult play, because it used much of the original Shakespeare. Josh played Oberon, king of the fairies. He was quite good, and really shined in this new venue he loves so much.

Oberon, the king of the fairies, looks for an opportunity to teach Titania, his queen a lesson.

Oberon overhears a conversation between the couple Lysander and Hermia, and Helena.

An attempt to help the mortals in love has gone horribly wrong, so Oberon straightens it all out.

Oberon sets things right with his queen too.

So Exhausted I Can't Sleep

OK. I was in bed. Early for me! It's now 2 am, and I was sort of asleep. The boys were winding down from a whirlwind day watching a movie beside me, but I couldn't make it, and was dozing a half hour into it. But I just woke up feeling a bit queasy and achy. I'm having some anxiety issues again, and I think I've tracked it down to way too much coke and chocolate, fast food (even the at-home kind), and a lack of quiet time with God. I got up to have some saltines and move a bit (usually that helps), and now I'm not sleepy any longer, but I'm dead tired.

This week has been crazy! We're heading into that time of year anyway, but this week Josh is in a play, so we've had final rehearsals on top of our normal activities, cleaning, school, and everything else. The director had an unexpected curve-ball thrown at her today when the main mom helping her with details had a family emergency, so the school called me and asked if I could help. Being the no-inhibited woman I am, I said yes, and we headed out the door at 11 am, not to return until 11 pm. I discovered today that I'm getting too old for long days like this. I don't think we'll go anywhere next week (except maybe to bed).

I'm tired. And I can't sleep.

I'm a Family Manager!

I'm reading this really great book called Desperate Households. It is a very different perspective on homemaking. Instead of offering a cookie-cutter method to foolproof cleaning, cooking and schduling, this book began by encouraging me to look at my own style. I have always struggled with domestic skills. I want to have an orderly house, to have meals on the table on time, to have chores done regularly, but I just have a hard time giving up my impulsiveness and remembering to DO those things. For years I've beaten myself up for not being disciplined enough, for not finding the system that works, for being myself instead of what I wanted to be. Finally, I'm free from guilt over all that!

Before beginning to make significant changes in the way I approach domestic skills, I have started looking at my style and my priorities. So today I answered these questions:

Why does our family exist?
To glorify God and to expand His kingdom to our children and descendants, and beyond our family into the world. (I really pondered whether I really believe this, or just know it's the "right" answer. I decided I do really believe it, even if living it out has been off track for a while now.)

What are we trying to accomplish?
We are trying to nurture our own relationships with God so that we can each personally glorify and enjoy Him. We are also preparing for and seeking ways to help others develop and enjoy relationships with Him. Accomplishing this includes education, life training, learning scripture, developing holy habits, guarding ourselves against ungodly influences, investing ourselves in each other and in others beyond our family, learning to serve, learning to think about the things that influence us biblically.

What do we stand for; what is the heart and soul of our family, the beliefs upon which we make decisions and take actions?
We believe that God is the sovereign Creator who deserves to be worshipped by everything. We believe that the family is a microcosm of the kingdom composed of God’s elect people, and that the family is the training ground to prepare us for living with the family of God’s people. We believe that the quality of life together is determined by the kind of relationships we have with each other—whether we can enjoy one another and live lives which show love for one another. We believe that God has a plan for us as a family and as individuals, and that He wants us to know and follow His plan for our benefit and His glory, so that we come to know and trust Him better, and reflect that trust in our relationships with each other.

What is our basic approach to achieving our purpose?
Being together and doing things together as much as possible. Where we do things individually or explore individual interests, we gather together again to share those things with each other. Also our family is not closed to others, but looks for ways to bring others in and love and include them as we love each other.

What is the overarching purpose I have as Family Manager?
Coordinating the interests, activities and habits of each family member so that being together is enjoyable and productive. Creating a peaceful environment that nurtures each member and enables them to thrive and grow. Pointing each member to God as the purpose and reason for everything we do.

What would I like my family to say about me when I’m gone? (Specific traits and descriptions)
Still working on this one.

What is really important to me? (List)
Relationships with other people
Remembering people
Making decisions and living life according to what God’s Word teaches
Laughter
Thinking about things, and not just accepting whatever someone says.
Figuring out and enjoying how the people I love tick.
Enjoying the ways God made us unique
Learning new things
Dreaming
Being free to do the unexpected/Spontaneity
Music
Stories
Making people feel loved
Liking your family
Maintaining peace


If I know I only had a year to live, how would I spend my time, and what would I change about the way I run my home and life?
I would get rid of a lot of stuff.
I would spend more time doing fun things with the boys that are memorable and productive.
I would spend a lot of time writing down the things I've learned.
I'd write more notes to the people I love.
I'd scrapbook like crazy.
I'd go out to lunch and for coffee more with friends.
I'd simplify the "work" part of life so I could do it as little as possible.
I'd quit feeling guilty about staying up late with the boys, even when we sleep a little later too.
I'd take time to enjoy each season with all it's changes.
I'd get rid of unnecessary expenses.
I'd smile and laugh a lot more and frown and fuss a lot less.
I'd start dreaming aloud about what heaven will be like.


The next thing I have to do is go from here to writing a mission statement. Oh boy. Like I have the brevity of words for that!

And Then There's Josh . . .

OK, I've just gotta brag on my teenager today.

We are at the beginning of a crazy week. We are taking care of four young children all day for some friends. Today and tomorrow we also had our regular little girl (but only one of the four--the cranky teething baby!). I thought this week was Spring Break, so no cleaning, but I was wrong, so we still have our cleaning and most of our "usual" activities this week. Today was Scout day with back-to-back scout meetings. I honestly didn't know how I would even start cleaning before 8 pm.

But JOSH decided to stay at the church for his play rehearsal (even though he didn't have to be there today), and then to go ahead and start cleaning for us afterward until I could get up there to help. By the time we did get there, he had finished more than half the work. I had maybe an hour's worth to do, and the other boys had nothing. Who is this masked hero? Is this the guy whose secret identity is a couch potato? Hmmmm . . . must be something in the water. I gotta get me some of that water.

One More Book Down

I'd better get to work or plan on reading like crazy this summer!

I did finish one more of the books on my list with AJ. We read The Velveteen Rabbit. I knew he'd really like this story. He has a stuffed rabbit that his grandad gave him. It has seen a lot of action over the years, and I occasionally have referenced it "becoming real." After we finished the book, which AJ really loved, he immediately found his rabbit and carried it around for days.

Anyway, I can knock another one off my list. Now to get to work on some of the longer books!

To My "Baby" Boy:

Andrew,

You aren't a baby anymore. Still, sometimes I am so glad that you occasionally delight in things appropriate for your age. You still love Webkinz and Build-a-Bear. You are still content to play with the little superhero figures that look cute. And I realized tonight that Monopoly is your favorite game. Your jokes are still silly, and your conversation when your brothers aren't around is delightfully immature, and I'm relieved. It's just that you have no idea how much older than you your brothers really are, and you try so hard, so often to be like them. I don't want you to lose these years of being a little boy.

I can't believe all you are doing. Someone told me today how much they enjoyed hearing you talk about the work we are doing each day at the church. You were telling her how hard you have to work, and how fast. It always amazes me how when it's just you and me, you manage to get it done even more quickly, and to do Stephen's jobs too! Of course, it frustrates you that I don't give you as many choices in jobs as your brothers, but I suppose you really can't understand that you are just not as reliable in vacuuming and cleaning bathrooms yet. This year you have learned to add big numbers, read unusual words, ride your bike, take care of your dog, count your allowance and determine if you have enough for a purchase, and so much more! Your favorite place is outside in the back yard, or your bedroom listening to "Hank, the Cowdog" or "Junie B. Jones" stories. It tickles me that your favorite fictional characters: Junie B., Hank, Curious George, and Fudge, are all just like you!

I've worried about you this year. I especially worried about your reading. When you were evaluated last year, the teacher placed you a year behind in reading and suggested I hold you back. That seemed silly to me since we were homeschooling, so I started investigating what might be preventing you from learning better. You have been diagnosed with ADHD and the Physician's Assistant also detected some potential auditory processing problems. In spite of all that, you have progressed in reading, and although you are still slow, you are able to read real books now, as well as food labels, signs, magazine covers, and lots more things I don't really want you to read! You love to be read to, but I'm afraid I don't do it enough. I have tried to pick out some "classic" kids books that I think you would like--Charlotte's Web, Mr. Popper's Penguins, various classic picture books, and others, and you have enjoyed them all. Right now we are reading The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

Your friendships still tend to be with your brothers' friends. I have tried to encourage you to play with other boys your own age, but you aren't that interested. Not that you don't enjoy time with boys your age, you just don't yearn for it or consider it often. I figure in time, God will bring into your life a special friend mostly your own.

One of my favorite things about you is your very tender heart. You love people--really love people. You easily see their needs and are quick to pray for them or devise a way to help them. One of the hardest things to teach you has been to wait and ask if you can help, because often your "help" doesn't take into consideration the potential complications it brings to the "helpee." Nevertheless, you have a real gift for ministry, and I love that you are so tender to people.

It is hard to believe you are eight today. You have grown so much. I was watching you sleep last night and thinking how long your legs are. When did they get like that? If Stephen doesn't go through a growth spurt soon, I'm afraid you will catch him in size! Oh, my sweet boy! It is such a privelege to be your mom and to teach you so much. I can't imagine life without you and am grateful for every long day of listening to you chatter on about your interests! I love you so much. I hope you had a wonderful birthday, and I can't wait to see what God is going to do with you this year.

Mom

Eight Years Ago . . . .

Eight years ago today, I was about to head for the hospital. Andrew was a couple weeks early, but my water broke anyway. Even though there was no labor, the OB nurse wanted me to get checked out at the hospital. So we went. I was miserable all night. AJ hadn't even dropped all the way, so they wouldn't let me out of bed to prevent the cord from prolapsing. The fetal heart monitor would move every time I did, and a nurse would come in a harrass me to find the heartbeat again. Finally, very early in the morning, the doctor approved me getting up and walking. I hadn't been back in bed an hour when the nurse came in again to harrass me, only this time she couldn't find AJ's heartbeat. Quick decisions were made, and I ended up in the OR; AJ was delivered by emergency C-section. I don't even remember much from that day--except being very irratated that I couldn't see my baby all day (they had trouble getting his temperature up, and I was chained to the stupid bed). I joke that AJ almost killed me (I was bleeding internally and he wasn't getting enough blood).

A friend and I were just musing that our kids have all come into the world in ways consistent with their personalities. Josh was slow and late and took his time, but was very little trouble. Stephen was in a hurry, but came like clockwork. AJ came dangerously and caused a lot more trouble than the others. He has been very worth all the trouble he caused then, and all he's called since then. He brings so much adventure and fun into our lives.

Tomorrow he will be eight. What happened to my baby? Where did he go?

So Much More Than School

I've been beating myself up over school a lot lately. This year our academic efforts aren't going that well. I feel like we're not getting done all I had expected . . . all I had wanted. Then occasionally, I realize how much more my kids are learning by being home with me.

Did I mention we are working now? We are cleaning classrooms at the academy our church runs. It's a tough five-day a week job, but it only takes a couple hours a day if we all pitch in. It was such a blessing to get the job, and it came at a time when I really needed the money. I was really fighting worry over how to pay the bills (still am, but not as much). The great thing is that I pay the boys to help me. I have a pay schedule where they get a certain amount for different jobs. It gives them the opportunity to work different jobs on different days, and to decide whether they really want to work hard to earn a little more or just to get by with minimal work. It also has put them on someone else's schedule, and we have to do this every day whether we feel like it or not. They also don't get paid if I go back and check their work and it's not done correctly, so they are doing a very thorough job. I realized that they won't be teenagers or young men who go to work and don't have a clue how to mop a floor or clean a bathroom, and resent being told what to do by a boss.

We are also still keeping kids a bit. One of my greatest delights is to see my teenager sitting in a corner at a Scout function or at church carrying on a real conversation with a preschooler, or a little kid. He never looks bored with the conversation. He also carries on conversations with grown-ups--more than the obligatory grunts and nods--of course, it's better if that grown up knows a little about Marvel superheroes (Right, Bill?). They are also learning to care for little ones. Often they make our little girl lunch, or help entertain her. Will they be better daddies because of doing this? I hope so.

The one thing I'm not doing so well at is focusing their hearts and minds on God's involvement in our day, and yet I wonder if I'm doing more than I realize. They have prayed with me for income, for the ability to continue homeschooling, for others we love, and they have seen answers.

Anyway, I'm just reminded again that they are learning, even from my failures. They aren't just schooling for the idol of career or success, they are schooling for real life. And I'm reminded that whatever I do wrong, God is soveriegn, and will teach them everything else they need to know. That is where my real hope is.

Josh-isms

Yes, even teenagers can say funny things!

"Coroboration: making the truth fit your story. I know that big work 'cause I learned Logic."

He said it with a smile, so I knew there was some humor injected into his "definition."