As Boys Become Men

It could overwhelm me ... these memories of all I wanted to see when my boys became men. ... Because they are nothing like what I had wanted or hoped for them to become at this point in their lives.

... And they are everything and more.

I still live among boys. All day. Every day. But they are quickly becoming men, and I see it more and more every day.

I see it when I wash clothes and can't tell what belongs to whom because everything is pretty much the same size now ... and that size is ... big. I see it when they get rowdy and wrestle and I feel certain something is about to break ... something like a door or window ... or a wall. I see it when I'm having an emotional crisis and I suddenly feel strong arms around me and a broad chest supporting me and I'm still a single mom, so it must be one of these huge children that lives in my house.

Sometimes it could overwhelm me ... because I had plans and dreams of what I was trying to accomplish and I made sacrifices and choices that were more than a little unconventional, and what I see before me is nothing like what I planned. They are not solid, sure-footed men of God with rock-solid faith ... not yet, anyway. They aren't loaded with accolades and recognitions that point to me as single-homeschooling-mother-of-the-decade. They don't navigate their brotherly relationships with patient negotiations that end with handshakes and bro-hugs, but instead more often end up with everyone feeling like a nuclear bomb of emotions has gone off in our living room and at least one person leaves the room enraged and no one really feels like we settled anything. And most days their lives don't yet affirm that I made the right choices or that my sacrifices were worth what I gave up on our behalf.

Instead these big kids play too many video games, eat too much junk food, watch too much TV (and some shows I'd rather not mention for fear that my weak parenting would really show!). They steal each other's food and ignore repeated requests to do chores and when they do the chores I'm frustrated that the work is only half-way done. They struggle in school, share about our lives too freely (wonder where they get that from?), or don't seem to connect well with their peers. They fight, insult each other, pick new fights, and storm off instead of working things out. They walk past trash on the floor and drop belongings everywhere until I realize I finally need a backhoe and a pressure washer to clean the rooms downstairs. Their rooms are a mess, they presume too much upon my precious free time, and they get mad when I try to make them do what they should already have done or when I won't do what they want me to do exactly when they want it.

So I live with the haunting "voices" that tell me I'm a failure as a mom, that I'm not demanding enough of them, that I don't set a good enough example, and that everything I thought I was doing out of conviction and intentional purpose was really just a way of indulging my laziness and clinging to ideals that my single-mom life couldn't support.

But the voices are lying.

Because I also see three boys who passionately, loyally care for the people in their lives, each in his own way, even when helping those people gets risky, messy, and painful. I see boys who quickly (and sometimes not so quickly) rise to the challenge of helping those who cannot help themselves. I have teenage boys who love kids and don't see it as a waste of their time to load up in the car with a battery of swords and ammo belts and imaginary super powers so they can play with kids ten or more years younger than themselves for hours on end simply for the pleasure of hanging out and playing. Most of all, I delight in having boys who on an ordinary day act like ordinary teenage boys who want space and separating distance from Mom, but on a day when life is collapsing in on me are so concerned about my well-being that they are right there to do anything I need and to hug me and tell me things aren't as bad as they seem to be ... that I'M not as bad as I seem to be, and they point me back to the Savior that I've been pointing them to all this time!

I have to remind myself almost daily that none of us are done yet.

"In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy ... being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."  Phillipians 1:4, 6

I have never taken my task as a mom lightly. There have been times that I carefully considered the choices I've made - the why and how and what might be. There have also been times when I was overcome with depression, health struggles, exhaustion, and even just my own weakness and sin ... and I just didn't do all I could have or should have done. I can see my own sin-stuggles mirrored in them (because oh my! I have passed them along well!), and I can see my convictions and passions and desire to serve with whatever I do have passed along too, and I'm proud of those things.

My boys may yet become great men of God. They may choose, fail, and struggle miserably as they wrestle with God and with themselves. They may suffer through no fault of their own, from tragedy and difficulties, and question and wonder if God is all He says He is. They may also rise to the challenges they face, make wise choices, and act honorably in ways that surprise them as well as me. In fact, they probably will each have times of great success and troubling trials as they navigate life in this fallen world, and they will probably continue to experience these things even after I'm no longer around to offer my sage wisdom and advice.

But God isn't done. He was working then, is working now, and will continue to work on me and in each of my three boys until the day His work on us is complete and we join Him in eternity.

There is one thing I am sure of: the God I love and serve will still be right there, walking through life with them, working out His plan for His glory and their good ... just like He promises. That is worth every sacrifice. That justifies every choice I've made. That will redeem even my worst sins and mistakes.

And that is what I get to witness ... as I watch boys become men.

Where the Boys Are

Ahh, in working with Jr. High girls, I remember this song of my youth . . . how embarrassing! How I wasted so much time then!

Now of course it means something totally different. I realized as I was looking over my blogging that I haven't mentioned the boys of late. Since supposedly this whole blog is mostly about living with boys, here is an update:

Josh: has been faithfully and dilligently working through his first year of school away from home--at private Christian school. The homework load has been much less than I expected. I have discovered in him a very anti-establishment attitude. He questions every rule, every reprimand, every math fact, every instruction . . . the boys wants to know WHY!!! The hormones are a-raging, and he is mad all the time no matter what I do. I of course don't dare acknowledge that I belong to him in public . . . on penalty of death, I think. However he is making great grades, is working exceptionally hard (both at our after-school job where he helps me clean, and at home when I ask him to do some chore), is communicating with words his constant frustrations and irritations, and assures me that he still loves me (although sometimes I have to remind him I'm a girl and that I need to hear him say it). He's a great kid, and someone I truly respect and admire, although I'm a little concerned about a "crisis of faith" that he's battling right now as he searches for his own identity.

Stephen: Still very much the happy-go-lucky boy, just in a rapidly growing and always eating body. Stephen never finishes his schoolwork, but always seems to know more than me. He is still very sensitive, but as the pre-teen hormones are starting to stir, I see it emerge more as anger now than as tears (although sometimes the two appear together). Stephen's highly creative streak bounces from one interest to another: at the beginning of the schoolyear he was hard into stop-motion animation and computers, and now is drawing and sketching everything. Stephen's biggest challenge this year has been working via Florida Virtual School, which violates his free, impulsive, unconstrained approach to work. Nevertheless, he also is proving he is capable of doing "classroom" work, and is showing signs of improvement both in his computer skills and his art (the two classes he is taking are 2D Art and Keyboarding). Stephen's heart is still very tender to the Lord, and to those in need around him.

Andrew: AJ has been full of surprises this year. He was having great difficulty reading at the beginning of the schoolyear, but has made leaps and bounds in the last couple of months. Suddenly words are popping out all over the place, and when they do AJ tries to read them! School efforts are moving along now at a nice clip, so much so that he and I have started reading and studying anything we can get our hands on about the Colonial and Revolutionary period of American history. It has been fun seeing what he is learning once again beginning to take over his imagination. Andrew's latest endeavors have been book-writing. He starts many, though rarely makes it to the finish. However he writes and draws all day, intermitten with fighting imaginary enemies (and a couple real brothers) outside whenever possible. I love Andrew's energy, as well as his delight in snuggling and being with me. Maybe I baby him a little, but I figure that's OK. He does NOT get away with everything!

Having essentially three different ages and stages has kept me awfully busy. I'm trying to balance youth group, scouting on two levels, friend get-togethers (not playdates anymore!), this school event and that one, etc. I spend much of my life in the car. Fortunately I have kept their outside committments few, and they usually share events (like the older two both do youth group, the younger two are both in homeschool support group together and have scouting back-to-back at the same location). And after much prayer and discussion with Josh, it looks like we will probably all be home again next year for school. (Not so sure if that's a light at the end of the tunnel, or just the headlight of a train!)

Just so I'm clear, if you've placed a call and asked me for something, or if you want to catch up over coffee . . . we can schedule something . . . in about ten years!!!!

252 Used to Seem Like a Huge Number

Did I mention we've entered the high-tech world of text messaging? No? For Christmas Josh got a phone (from his grandparents, not me). It's one of those pay-as-you-go deals--a real scam if you ask me. So far it is still cheaper than putting him on my service, so I decided it would be a good "experiment" to see how he liked having phone service. A couple weeks ago, a friend of his showed him how to use messaging, and for some reason I still don't understand the company had given us a little credit, so he was able to have the cost of the messages deducted and thus able to try it.

Well, after checking it out, I decided it would be fun to add texting to the service for this month just to see if he and I liked it and if it was worth having. I selected an inexpensive plan for 200 messages, and with the purchase of his monthly minutes, that left about $5 credit on our balance. Well, he's been enjoying doing some texting, and I thought it was funny . . . until last night . . . when I discovered he's used all his pre-paid messages AND all the credit on the account (which was supposed to cover NEXT month's messaging).

252!

He's used 252 messages. Boy, word got out fast! And his little fingers must be flying. And I'm left without the ability to message him now ('cause sorry, I refuse to pay for more messages!). That used to seem like such a huge number, but now . . . . So now we're looking at a plan with unlimited messaging . . .

I need to remember to thank his grandparents for introducing me to this world. Wonder if they knew this was a gift that kept on giving?

Fun Fall Stuff

Ahh . . . fall in Florida! This year we are getting exactly what I love: cool weather! So here is our fall celebration so far:

Although we don't celebrate Halloween, we do love to cut up a pun'kin.
Even Josh wanted to do it this year, which was kind of funny-
watching him carve a pumpkin without ever putting his hands into it!

The gooey-er, grosser, or more disgusting, the more Stephen likes it.
He actually tasted the raw pumpkin this year!

Yes, lookout, folks! AJ got to carve his own pumpkin face this year.
And we all know what that means . . . . he's loose with a knife!!!
He sure was proud of his creation though!

Our actually "Halloween Eve" was spent at a great celebration at our church
(the Reformation is very important to us!).

Josh was in a skit.

Stephen and AJ spent the evening pal'ing around with their friends!

Vacation

The boys and I have spent the last week in the N.Ga. mountains with Nana and Grandpa. We stayed in a cabin in Cloudland Canyon State Park, and we had such a great time. We did some of the touristy things-visited Rock City and Ruby Falls, went to the Chattanooga Aquarium and the Zoo. But mostly we just rested and played together. We played games. Mom and I planned school for next year. It was just plain fun. All three of the boys raved about it, so I'm raving too. As with all vacations, the only problem with it was that it was too short!

More details later.

Stephen on a climbing wall at the TOP of Lookout Mountain.

A teenager daydreaming as he watches the fish.

AJ and Lilly found a snail and watched it crawl along for the longest time.

Kings (and queen) of the mountain!

Grandpa Andy (Papa) and the kids petting fish at the aquarium.

Watch Out Copola! There's a New Director in Town!

Last week the boys and I went to the two-day state homeschool convention in Orlando. (Thanks Mom!) Josh attended a teen conference run by Summit Ministries. I was eager for him to go and hear teaching on worldviews done by some of the most respected trainers of teens in the country. Stephen and AJ went with me to the convention, but the second day AJ decided to stay with the friends we spent the weekend with and play with their kids. Stephen and I had so much fun looking at stuff together, but I knew I was in trouble when he found a stop-motion video animation kit. It came with the camera for the computer and a very complete manual for a very economical price.

I ended up splitting the cost with him, and he made his first video today. He has already added narration and is hoping to add sound effects, but I need to help him do a little more research to be able to post the Windows Movie Maker version here. It is my hope that this summer he will begin learning more about movie-making. Several weeks ago he bought a low-end video/digital camera with money he had saved, and I'm beginning to think that with his interest in artwork and video, he has found a creative hobby that he could pursue further.

Notice that his video includes lots of car chases and fights. And yes, Doc Ock's head and hair did come off at the end. You'll probably see much more of this kind of stuff!

I'm SO Not Ready for Teenage Girls!

Today was a first . . . another first . . . and where I was eager for them when the boys were small, I'm not so thrilled with them now. Josh was asked over to a girl friend's house to "hang out." Now we've had playdates with girls before, but this was NOT a playdate. After quickly saying yes, I realized that I needed a little more info. Were her parents home? Or someone to supervise? What did they plan on doing? And so on. I had to have "a talk" with Josh about what was appropriate and what was not, because all the rules have changed now. And although he said he knew all of it, I still feel a bit uncomfortable with this whole realm of hormones and attractions, as well as with how planned out teen girls are compared to the fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants nature of boys. Mind you, this was not a "date" nor do I think that he and this girl are interested in each other except as friends, but still . . . the potential is now always there. And I've found myself going through moments of panic this afternoon wondering what I don't know yet. Ugh.

They called a few minutes ago, well . . . actually she called (of course) and want me to meet them at Starbuck's to hang out for a while. Guess they still have stuff to discuss. Hmmm . . . this IS kind of funny. And as I consider this . . . there is so much room for fun at my son's expense! I'm going for an hour. Cinnamon Buns!!! Leaving my little boys was so much easier--all I had to do was find a sitter! Now the sitters are the ones with my son, so I have to do the chaperoning!!! Isn't there something I can give Josh to prevent this disease just a little longer?

I really need to find a husband to help me with this.

So Much More Than School

I've been beating myself up over school a lot lately. This year our academic efforts aren't going that well. I feel like we're not getting done all I had expected . . . all I had wanted. Then occasionally, I realize how much more my kids are learning by being home with me.

Did I mention we are working now? We are cleaning classrooms at the academy our church runs. It's a tough five-day a week job, but it only takes a couple hours a day if we all pitch in. It was such a blessing to get the job, and it came at a time when I really needed the money. I was really fighting worry over how to pay the bills (still am, but not as much). The great thing is that I pay the boys to help me. I have a pay schedule where they get a certain amount for different jobs. It gives them the opportunity to work different jobs on different days, and to decide whether they really want to work hard to earn a little more or just to get by with minimal work. It also has put them on someone else's schedule, and we have to do this every day whether we feel like it or not. They also don't get paid if I go back and check their work and it's not done correctly, so they are doing a very thorough job. I realized that they won't be teenagers or young men who go to work and don't have a clue how to mop a floor or clean a bathroom, and resent being told what to do by a boss.

We are also still keeping kids a bit. One of my greatest delights is to see my teenager sitting in a corner at a Scout function or at church carrying on a real conversation with a preschooler, or a little kid. He never looks bored with the conversation. He also carries on conversations with grown-ups--more than the obligatory grunts and nods--of course, it's better if that grown up knows a little about Marvel superheroes (Right, Bill?). They are also learning to care for little ones. Often they make our little girl lunch, or help entertain her. Will they be better daddies because of doing this? I hope so.

The one thing I'm not doing so well at is focusing their hearts and minds on God's involvement in our day, and yet I wonder if I'm doing more than I realize. They have prayed with me for income, for the ability to continue homeschooling, for others we love, and they have seen answers.

Anyway, I'm just reminded again that they are learning, even from my failures. They aren't just schooling for the idol of career or success, they are schooling for real life. And I'm reminded that whatever I do wrong, God is soveriegn, and will teach them everything else they need to know. That is where my real hope is.

What Happened to My Little Boy?

What do you do when you realize your little boy is growing up to be a man? I'm not sure. In fact, I don't know if I'll ever figure it out.

June 2005

September 2005

November 2005

January 2006

June 2006

August 2006

December 2006

March 2007

September 2007

November 2007

This weekend, Josh went to the Junior High Mid-Winter Retreat with our church. It was a strange feeling dropping him off. I had done nothing. He packed all of his own things. He made sure I filled out the forms in time. He made sure all of the payments and spending money were taken care of. He did it all. When did it happen? When did my boy grow up?

Blessings: God's Answer for a Difficult Life

Psalm 127
A song of ascents. Of Solomon.

Unless the LORD builds the house,

its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city,

the watchmen stand guard in vain.

In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat--

for he grants sleep to those he loves.

Sons are a heritage from the LORD,

children a reward from him.

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior

are sons born in one's youth.

Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.

They will not be put to shame

when they contend with their enemies in the gate.
Psalms 127:1-5 (NIV)

I was just sharing with a friend how this Psalm hit me in a moment of anxiety and stress. I was struck by the progression in it, particularly from the vanity of frantic working, toiling, and going without sleep in an attempt to handle the difficulty of life. Then came the answer—God’s answer: children. Although a number of my friends had urged me to use my little blessings more extensively, it wasn’t until I saw it in this Psalm that I resolved to really hold the boys up to higher expectations of helping around the house (and around life!).

Tonight I went through some commentaries to see if any of the wise men I respect noticed the same thing. I found some interesting and even humorous things in Adam Clarke’s 19th century commentary.

This Psalm may be entitled, "The Soliloquy of the happy Householder: - The
poor man with a large loving family, and in annual expectation of an increase,
because his wife, under the Divine blessing, is fruitful." All are blessed of
the Lord, and his hand is invariably upon them for good.
—Adam Clarke's Commentary

This is his summary. Read on for some of the particulars that I liked.

Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord - That is, To many God gives children in
place of temporal good. To many others he gives houses, lands, and thousands of
gold and silver, and with them the womb that beareth not; and these are their
inheritance. The poor man has from God a number of children, without lands or
money; these are his inheritance; and God shows himself their father, feeding
and supporting them by a chain of miraculous providences. Where is the poor man
who would give up his six children, with the prospect of having more, for the
thousands or millions of him who is the center of his own existence, and has
neither root nor branch but his forlorn solitary self upon the face of the
earth? Let the fruitful family, however poor, lay this to heart; "Children are a
heritage of the Lord; and the fruit of the womb is his reward." And he who gave
them will feed them; for it is a fact, and the maxim formed on it has never
failed, "Wherever God sends mouths, he sends meat." "Murmur not," said an Arab
to his friend, "because thy family is large; know that it is for their sakes
that God feeds thee." —Adam Clarke's Commentary

Kind of cute since my best friend happens to have six children. What a rich couple she and her husband are!!! I also love that he seems to agree with my crazy idea that God will feed my boys and I through “a chain of miraculous providences.” Some of those providences might include different types of work, some might include the generosity and love of others, and who knows? Sometimes it might be manna from heaven or flour and oil that never seems to run out!

Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them - This is generally supposed
to mean his house full of children, as his quiver if full of arrows; but I
submit whether it be not more congenial to the metaphors in the text to consider
it as applying to the wife: "Happy is the man who has a breeding or fruitful
wife;" this is the gravida sagittis pharetra "the quiver pregnant with arrows."
But it may be thought the metaphor is not natural. I think otherwise: and I know
it to be in the Jewish style, and the style of the times of the captivity, when
this Psalm was written—Adam Clarke's Commentary

I LOVE it!!! I know a breeding, fruitful wife, and even though she’s a bit fruity at times, her husband IS a blessed man!

With the enemies in the gate. - "When he shall contend with his adversaries in
the gate of the house of judgment." - Targum. The reference is either to courts
of justice, which were held at the gates of cities, or to robbers who endeavor
to force their way into a house to spoil the inhabitants of their goods. In the
first case a man falsely accused, who has a numerous family, has as many
witnesses in his behalf as he has children. And in the second case he is not
afraid of marauders, because his house is well defended by his active and
vigorous sons. It is, I believe, to this last that the psalmist refers.

Heh, heh, heh. Don’t I know all about this! People comment that I don’t have to fear a burglar because of the German Shepherd guarding our house. Forget the dog! Look out for my little "virgorous and active sons!" They spend HOURS a day practicing the use of their weapons, and would LOVE to practice on living human subjects of the bad-guy kind!

Anyway, these are just thoughts from me. I do love this Psalm. It’s interesting how in our culture we’ve inverted the role of children to being our burden instead of relieving our burden.

Such Tender Memories . . .

OK, book number two read. AJ and I read How Fletcher Was Hatched together today. It's just a simple, old-fashioned story about a dog who feels neglected by his mistress. His friends, an otter and a beaver decide to help him compete with the cute little chicks stealing his attention by building an egg around him. It's nothing flashy, no aspirations of political correctness, just a sweet kids story that I must have read a million times when I was a kid. (Every illustration was etched on my memory as if I had read the book yesterday--it was fun walking through familiar territory!)

So we read the book . . . and I said with a sigh, "I loved this book when I was a kid!"

AJ responded: "Sure mom. Whatever. I'll be outside."

Ah, what treasured memories. (Can you feel the cynicism?) At least I can count another book on my 888 List.

Music in Our House

Music in our house is an adventure.

I have very eclectic tastes. I was influenced by the 60's (my parent's music), the late 70's and 80's pop music, traditional and contemporary Christian music, instrumental music (from band--both jazz and classical), and because I'm a word person, I love anything with great lyrics. My latest favorites are Casting Crown's The Altar and the Door, Mercy Me's new album, Norah Jones, Harry Conick, Jr., and Michael Card. I can also dance to the boys music--most of it, anyway.

Josh, being a teenage now, has been fun to watch as he develops his own musical taste. He loves all the Disney pushed musicians--Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, and lately Aly and AJ. He also loves TobyMac, Relient K, and anything else with a serious beat. His tastes are a little young among those of his peers, something for which I am quite proud and am encouraging him in, since he has LOTS of time to discover more mature music, and I'm not in a hurry to see him struggle with the compromise.

Stephen loves much of the same thing Josh likes. It's kind of weird hearing him singing Relient K with all of their angst-filled lyrics, but I'm OK with some of it. His music tastes tend to be a little broader--he really liked my Harry Conick, Jr. Christmas CD. Like Josh, he likes an uptempo beat.

AJ tries hard to follow in his brothers' footsteps, but he is a little more challenged because he doesn't have the fancy MP3 player to listen to, and his brothers are usually a little unwilling to share with him their CD's. Sometimes the little boy in him still rules, and I have to listen to endless repetitions of the Veggie Tales sing Michael W. Smith, or Goofy sings dance tunes, but that's OK. I know his interest in these simple things will vanish soon enough, and this poor kid is already growing up much faster than his brothers did--so of course, I encourage more "little kid" music.

So you see, you could come to our house and hear about anything. You might even catch me on a reminicent day when I've pulled out the old record player to listen to The Mama's and the Papa's, Shaun Cassidy, the Partridge Family, or old, old Amy Grant. Wouldn't that be a treat?

When you're done with the job, don't forget to hide the shovels!

Yesterday I had an eighteen-inch deep hole in my yard. Today I have a two and a half foot hole, and I almost had a five-foot trench!

The two younger boys spent most of the day digging in the back yard. They had planned a moat, until I stopped them and asked that they not tear up all my grass digging! So now we just have a really deep hole and a lot of dirt! Maybe some day they really will reach China!

Camping Photos

From our recent trip:

No PS2. No WII. No TV. No bike or inline skates. What's a boy to do?

...Plenty!!! (I never heard "I'm bored!" the entire weekend!)

The boys made boats for a rain-gutter regata.

AJ didn't quite get the whole "don't use your hands" thing.

I was feelin' a might skeered when I saw this.

(For you Yankees, that's quite frightened!)

Getting ready to shoot arrows.

What else is there in life?

National Lampoon's Cub Scout Adventure

I spent Friday night and a very LONG Saturday at Cuboree, an annual Cub Scout camping event. It was fun. Yeah. I can't wait to go next year. And I'm SO relieved that next year is still a year away.

As usual, all my plans for getting out of the house early went to pot. Somehow I always feel like my life operates according to Murphy's Law. I awoke Friday morning feeling a little under the weather--like I was coming down with a bug. A very dear friend had agreed to take my boys along with her on a co-op field trip, so I had most of the day to get stuff done, but instead I started the morning taking a needed nap. I wouldn't have, except I knew the boys would be very disappointed if I couldn't take them camping. When I got up, I had an extended quiet time with the Lord, then I had to get my five hours of chores done in about one. Not a great start.

I managed to pull together most of our camping stuff, but even after I picked the boys up and got them home, I kept thinking of so many things I needed to do before I left, that we left much later than planned. We finally arrived at the camp ground at about 7 pm. It was hot and very muggy, and I was already sweaty, tired and crabby from the hectic packing and leaving. With very generous help from the dads on the trip, I managed to get set up pretty quickly, and the evening was pretty laid back--mostly just playing around the campsite and toasting white fuel. (I've decided that I need to just reset my thinking and call marshmallows what they are--fuel.) Of course, it was laid back after I made the trip home to get some important things I forgot (like the pump to blow up the air mattress).

Getting ready for bed was a little tricky. While the scout camp ground was equipped with enough Port-O-Potties, there wasn't much in the way of other facilities. I suppose other people had had a rough evening too, but there wasn't much excuse for the guy who kept heckling us while we (three of us!) used the bathroom to do our end-of-the-evening business (the kind even boys can't do in the woods!) and clean up. I finally told the guy in no uncertain terms that there was a line INSIDE the bathroom just like there was one outside!

Then we headed back to our tent and the boys headed inside while I washed my filthy feet (bright idea wearing my imitation Crock sandals in Florida dirt). As I was trying to clean myself up, the boys found a guest in our tent--the kind with wings and a large brown body, and a cute Mexican song named for him. They kept panicking over him, while I kept telling them to just pick him up and throw him out--after all, it is better to catch him than to have him crawl over you in the middle of the night! (Ugghh! Gives me the heebie jeebies all over again!) But he got away. So I searched all over (didn't want him crawling on ME in the night) and finally freed him from the constraints of our tent.

At last we laid our sweaty bodies down in the stuffy tent. (Sadly, I had to sleep on the real hard ground. The pump made it but the nozel to fit into the mattress didn't.) The boys complained that they'd never be able to fall asleep, and I had just enough time to threaten their lives if they touched me before I heard them snoring. It only took me another two hours to start dozing. But dozing was all I did for a long while. First the heat kept me awake. Then one of my boys started talking in his sleep. Then I heard another boy in another tent crying for mommy. Night noises. Woodsy noises. My other boy sitting up and talking. Finally I dozed off, almost asleep. It was probably about 2:30 am. At about 3:30 I was jarred awake by the sound of wheezing--an all-too-familiar sound of someone (a dad, not a kid) having an asthma attack. My heart raced as I wondered what to do. Finally I got up and stepped out of the tent. By that time, he had evidently found an inhaler and the gasping had turned to just coughing, and was settling down. But of course my heart was racing and my adrenaline pumping. I was wide awake now. And hey! It was cool outside! But I got back into my tent and decided to read and pray for a while. Then I went back to sleep for a few more hours.

Morning came too soon, but I got up, got the boys fed and we headed to the flag ceremony. The day was filled with activities for the boys, as I ran back and forth to camp to pack things up, break down the tent and lug stuff to the car (we weren't allowed to take the parked cars back into the camp sites on Saturday). After lunch, I left for a while to head home (just a couple miles away) and check on the dogs and at that time I did the smartest thing of the day--I unloaded most of our stuff. I spent the rest of the day walking and either looking for our pack or watching the boys.

While I know this sounds like a terrible trip, and it WAS hot and exhausting, I actually found many things for which to be thankful. Last year every single camping trip we had planned was cancelled by inclement weather or something else. All year I never felt the group blended well. But this weekend I was able to get to know and really enjoy the other dads and boys. It was really fun to be around guys talking about air conditioning units and football teams--I don't get to do that much. It was also fun to see the boys really enjoying other boys, and running around without hinderance. The activities were fun for them, and the men there really pitched in and watched my boys or helped me with things so I could juggle everything.

I was also thankful that Saturday we had overcast weather and a little rain, but it never poured. It was nice weather for outdoors activities. We also came home to a fairly clean house, and although I still have all the stuff to go through, I always feel good when I do something so out of my element like camping. One of the experienced dads teased me as a couple of newer dads helped me set up that I was actually more experienced than anyone there. It was fun going and kind of knowing what I was doing. And even though it was hot, and I clearly saw again how out of shape I am physically, I survived, got much needed exercise, and slept VERY well last night. I also really appreciate all the little luxuries God has given us that I usually take for granted (like air conditioning and hot showers).

So the next camping trip? Well, I think we could go.

A Kitty Tail . . . Er . . . Tale

Last week as we were leaving church the boys kept saying, "Mom, Mom! There's a cat back there [behind a shed] about the size of the guinea pig!"

Finally I checked it out. It was NOT a cat. It was a teeny new kitten. His eyes were still closed, and he was lying in the mud screeching! So I picked him up! I took him into the kitchen and got a towel to wrap him in, then took him home.

Once home, I gave him a little milk and started to warm him up. I got on the Internet, to see what to do for him, only to read "Do not give cow's milk!"

Ooops.

I put him in a bin with a heating pad, and run to the pet store to get kitten formula. Now I'm committed. Come home, feed him. For about two days, I worried that he wasn't eating enough, worried that he would dehydrate from diareaha . . . . worried about this teeny, helpless little thing.

But he's a scrappy little fighter. Over the week he has gained two ounces or more, and is SO CUTE! The boys and I are in love. We named him Chewbacca--Chewie for short. Yeah, I know. It's all over when you name them.

We are not keeping him. Yeah. Right.

Things Moms Must Know About Boys

These are 'specially important to know if you didn't grow up with brothers.

• Boys do not wear panties. They wear underwear, boxers, briefs, skivvies, but not panties.
• Boys do not have slumber parties. They are called sleepovers, and they require LOTS of food, at least two video game systems, and DVDs with lots of combat and goofy humor.
• Boys do not play with dolls. They are called action figures.
• Boys do not play dress up. They wear the uniform for the current battle. Usually that battle is related to whatever battle DVD they are watching or just watched.
• Boy movies do not have to make sense or have a logical plot. They just have to have several weapons, body noises, and senseless humor. No kissing or happy endings, thank you. They're fine if everyone dies at the end.
• Do not call boys sweetie, honey, dear, or sugar. You can use buddy, big guy, or dude if you like.
• If you call a girl "boy" or "dude" she'll look at you like you have three heads. Then she'll shrug and walk off, thinking you're crazy. But if you call a boy "girl" or "princess" or something like that, he'll begin arming for war. Them's fightin' words!
• Boys automatically speak a second language. It includes belches, farts, armpit noises, and all kinds of other body noises.
• Boys need sound effects. They come prewired to make noises of explosions, shooting, and machine gun fire. Some girls will never figure out how to make these noises correctly.
• Boys insult each other the way dogs sniff each other's tails. It's just not as offensive to them as it is to us girls.

This isn't an exhaustive list, just tips to get you started.

Some Random Things

• There are SEVEN boys downstairs right now. They are playing video games, eating (of course!), and making LOTS of noise. All but one are sleeping over. I expect it will be a late night.
• I got a new grill in April. I finally made perfect hamburgers and hot dogs on it tonight (not burned). It's not me. The grill runs very hot. Really. Anyway, I'm feeling very proud of myself.
• There are no hamburgers left . . . and I made more than there were people. But I still have hot dogs!
• I have twelve books of my own that I'm trying to read, but for some reason, I have spent the last three days reading one of Josh's (one I'm pre-reading, so he can read it). I wish he'd get off my back.
• I'm trying to figure out why I clean house before the boys have friends over. This time, I didn't do much, and I'm feeling OK about it.
• On Sunday my older boys go to camp. I'm trying to figure out what to do with the youngest. If he stays with me, I'm trying to figure out who he can talk to.
• My back hurts. I went to the chiropractor today and he said my sacroilliac is out of place. He put it back in place, but it doesn't seem to want to stay where it belongs. I'm wondering if I can just buy a new one.
• My oldest son acts weird when he's around friends. Is that normal?
• I really like my sons' friends. They are a lot of fun. Is it normal for teen boys to like their friends' parents?
• We only have exactly thirteen days until we start school. I'm sooooo not ready.

Yes, Thank You, I Am A Fool

Fool used because I can't use the term I would really like to use for myself right now.

The boys and I have been really into dinosaur movies lately. More specifically, we have gotten caught up in the Jurassic Park movies. We have seen the third a couple times, and just watched it again as well as the first. Tonight we saw the second. I should have considered there was something wrong with it when I realized we were rooting for the dinosaurs!!! The older boys were fine with it--they love all that scary, eat-the-bad-guy stuff.

But as I sit here typing, Andrew is asleep in my bed (because I couldn't tear him off of me after the movie ended) whimpering to himself. What WAS I thinking? Duhhhh . . . hope the dino eats the bad guy . . . .

Please take away my mommy license.

OK. He's in my lap now. Kind of hard to type. Need to go to bed. Hoping he won't cling to me ALL NIGHT. Yes, I am one of those . . . well, you know.

Movie Review: Alex Rider, Operation Stormbreaker

Where did this movie come from? Why didn't I hear more about it when it came out in theaters? This was one of the best kids' action movies I've seen in a long time! Imagine James Bond before puberty (or just after, but before all the girlie stuff). James Bond minus all the hormones--that's what you have in Alex Rider. Alex Rider, Operation Stormbreaker is all the things boys love--action, danger, gadgets, bad guys, and skulking around trying not to be noticed. It's also got some things parents love . . . or rather, it's missing some things parents dislike--immodesty (or anything "romantic", for that matter), cursing (I didn't notice any, and neither did the boys), excessive violence, disrespect for adults (except the bad guy, of course!).

Alex Rider is thrust into spy work after his uncle dies and he discovers he has actually been groomed especially for the business. He is a reluctant hero, but a hero indeed. He carries cool gadgets to help him with his spying (but nothing lethal, interestingly enough). While there IS a girl, it is nothing overtly romantic, and she is called upon to help Alex in the final chase scene. Yes, there is some shooting, and yes, there are one or two deaths, but the deaths are cartoonish or implied (not shown), and the shooting never seems to actually hit its target. I never saw any blood.

This movie is based on the first in a series of books by Anthony Horowitz. While I did find at least one book listed at the library that sounded like it had supernatural undertones, I didn't see any of that in the movie. We've placed the first two books on hold so I'll let you know how they are once I read the first one.

This is definitely a movie worth seeing, especially if you have a boy. Just be prepared for them to pull out all the spy gadgets and dark clothing, and to hit and kick things (maybe each other?) a lot for a few days. (Are we the only ones who dress according to the latest movies we've seen?) It'd be perfect around my house if they'd talk with the Brittish accent Alex Rider has . . . . almost like living with a cleaned-up version of James Bond.

Update: I read the book and loved it. There is one minor cuss word in it, a British one (bli**y), and LOTS of action violence. But . . . one of the things I really liked is that Alex is not even expected to carry a gun. He's trained to handle all those kinds of circumstances, but the adults in charge don't feel right about him having a gun. Cool. The only thing that kind of bothered me is that Alex is a spy under duress (he's blackmailed), and he doesn't really want to be one. Horowitz stresses that while spies used to work from patriotism or loyalty, now they are mostly just used. While it bothers me, it is, I think, an accurate picture of our times. "Operation Stormrider" was very true to the Stormrider book.