Life According to Stephen: Chicks

As Stephen and I were driving home from the bank today we passed a sign at the feed store that said, "We have CHICKS!" Not wanting to miss an opportunity to razz Stephen, I said, "Hey, look! We could pull in there and get you a CHICK!" (Remember, girls are icky!)

Meanwhile, Stephen had seen the sign and started making chick noises, so he said, "They say cheep, cheep, cheep."

I answered, "No they are anything but cheap, cheap, cheap."

Stephen insisted, "They say cheep, cheep, cheep."

Thinking about it, I relented, "OK, maybe they do spend a lot of time calling you cheap, cheap, cheap."

Quickly Stephen got caught up in the joke and piped in, "Until they grow up. Then all they say is gobble, gobble, gobble!"

AJ's Take on Life:

AJ and his brothers have been watching Men in Black 1 & 2 at their dad's. I'm not so crazy about #2, but have tried not to make it an issue so as not to arouse more interest or to create a new and unnecessary war with dad. So out of the blue as I tried to skirt the conversation today AJ said (about #2):

"Yeah. You don't grab naked ladies. 'Cause if you do, they bite your head off."

So true.

FIYA

So there's this classroom I clean every day. I've decided that the kids in the class are future members of FIYA. For a while I found these unfolded paper clips everywhere. They reminded me of little shivs, like the homemade knives they make in prisons, only pint-sized. Now I'm finding the tops of pencils. Not the erasers, mind you, the points . . . perfectly cut off. I couldn't help but wonder what tool an elementary school kid is finding that can so perfectly and straightly decapitate a pencil. I know the teacher, and find it hard to believe that she is at all boring, so I'm pretty sure she just has a class of hardened 10-or-so-year-olds. And I'm sure that the membership of FIYA--Future Incarcerated Youths of America is soon going to increase.

I'm SO Not Ready for Teenage Girls!

Today was a first . . . another first . . . and where I was eager for them when the boys were small, I'm not so thrilled with them now. Josh was asked over to a girl friend's house to "hang out." Now we've had playdates with girls before, but this was NOT a playdate. After quickly saying yes, I realized that I needed a little more info. Were her parents home? Or someone to supervise? What did they plan on doing? And so on. I had to have "a talk" with Josh about what was appropriate and what was not, because all the rules have changed now. And although he said he knew all of it, I still feel a bit uncomfortable with this whole realm of hormones and attractions, as well as with how planned out teen girls are compared to the fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants nature of boys. Mind you, this was not a "date" nor do I think that he and this girl are interested in each other except as friends, but still . . . the potential is now always there. And I've found myself going through moments of panic this afternoon wondering what I don't know yet. Ugh.

They called a few minutes ago, well . . . actually she called (of course) and want me to meet them at Starbuck's to hang out for a while. Guess they still have stuff to discuss. Hmmm . . . this IS kind of funny. And as I consider this . . . there is so much room for fun at my son's expense! I'm going for an hour. Cinnamon Buns!!! Leaving my little boys was so much easier--all I had to do was find a sitter! Now the sitters are the ones with my son, so I have to do the chaperoning!!! Isn't there something I can give Josh to prevent this disease just a little longer?

I really need to find a husband to help me with this.

Sometimes They're Just No Fun

Why why why do boys have to ALWAYS one-up each other? Why?

I ate my ice cream.
I ate my ice cream faster.
I ate my ice cream faster, got a brain freeze, and still ate it fast.
I ate my ice cream faster, got a brain freeze, but I ate it faster.

I was here first.
I was here before you even came downstairs.
I stood here all night, so I was here first.
I was born right on this very spot, and haven't moved since except to go to the bathroom, so I got here first!

Then there's the one-up that makes no sense to me whatever.

I have five guns.
I have twelve guns.
I have twenty guns, three bombs and a tank.
I have a nuclear weapon.

"MOM!!! Josh said he can use any eight powers he wants, but I only get to use two of mine, and they can't include super-strength or heat vision! Mom! Tell him to let me use my powers!"

Uuuugggghhhh! Quit it already! There are NO mountains in Florida, so ya can't be king of it!

OK, here's the twist in my house. I do sometimes like to play "one-up," but I'd really like it to be a little more fun. 'Cause here's how it goes at my house:

I'm hungry.
I'm hungry too.
I'm hungrier than you. I could eat a cow.

(Ok, at this point, I'm looking for an animal a little bigger, until we get to something like the Great Blue Whale and run out of big animals. What do I get?)

I'm hungry infinity times to heaven and back. (Game over.)

Guess there's no point even trying to cook for that appetite. Why can't we just have fun imagining what we could eat?????

Makes a Mother Proud . . . .

Tonight, AJ was inventing a new computer. Something about it was small enough to fit on your wrist . . . I don't know, I didn't get it all. (After all, I don't invent computers! I can hardly use them!) Meanwhile, his brother Stephen was programming another computer with a new language . . . or ability . . . or something like that (once again . . . me and the computer . . . enough said).

All at once, AJ decided he wanted to use FOUR of his powers (never was really sure exactly what they were, but I caught something about stretchy, strong, and fire), but the problem with this was that in whatever contract they signed, Josh got to use double the powers of AJ . . . or more of them . . . so that meant Josh got to go to EIGHT of his. Somehow Stephen got short-changed in the deal, 'cause no matter what, he only got to use one power at a time. But . . . he had his computer!

Exactly how many powers do you need to fight off bad guys?

And if you have super powers, why on earth do you need computers?

Life Lesson #493

Four boys sleeping together on an inflatable mattress is a bad idea . . . especially when it's a sleepover . . . that started at 4am . . . and you forgot Daylight Savings time was ending so it's really 5am . . . and you have to be at church on time in four hours because you are the new quarter Sunday School teacher for the Women's Sunday School . . . and two of the boys had caffeine a half hour ago, and the other two have a few hours of sleep under their belt. Bet their not as funny in a couple of hours as they are right now.

On the other hand . . . they might actually be manageable in worship service tomorrow.

Don't ask. It's a long story.

And I'm tired.

Back . . . By Popular Demand.

No, I'm not talking about Lost. Which by the way, those of us who do NOT have TV can watch online for free the day after the show airs. No, no. I do NOT have a problem with Lost . . . um . . . I'm just watching it so I can keep up with what is popular in the world. You know, so I am able to understand conversations with friends who watch it . . . and the blogs of pastor-friends of mine who watch it . . . and well, OK. I watch it 'cause I like it. But I could give it up anytime. I could!


Enough of Lost. I received a request today to post something from my number one fan (you know, the one person who actually reads my blog). So here it is:

We have discovered that our dog loves DumDum lollipops. This in addition to her pleadings for popcorn and carrots. (Yeah, weird, I know.) If we're sitting and having popcorn, or if we have carrots for lunch, she hovers around us to try to get some. I think she has been stealing DumDums for a long time, finding them dropped on the ground, and taking them to her crate to nibble on in secret. But now it's out. Figures in this family that even the dog has a sugar problem. I'll probably be the only one trying to explain to the vet why I have a diabetic dog. Sorry, but I think DumDums are cheaper than dog treats. And my dog likes them better.

That's Not What I Said

Today in the car the boys asked where we were going next. I said, "Home to get the baby corral out for [a friend borrowing it]." (The baby corral is an eight piece fence that I use instead of a playpen. I love it!)

AJ said, "Golden Corral! I love that place!" Ummm . . . no . . . we're NOT eating out!

So then I explained to them that I was talking about the baby corral. Within minutes I heard AJ and Stephen chattering.

"Yeah! And it would serve only mashed up foods--banana yogurt, and squashed carrots, and that stuff . . . "
". . . .And it would have baby pizza--crackers with soft stuff on top of it . . . "
". . . Oh! And the drink bar would only serve milk, apple juice, water, and formula!"
"And there would be stroller parking . . . "
". . . and high chairs at every table!"

Know what they were talking about? That new sit-down buffet food chain: "Baby Corral"

Hmmmm . . .

. . . AJ just asked me if he could take his CD player with us to the New Year's Eve party we're going to. I told him as long as he has earphones he can.

He said,"Well, duh Mom! I can't take the BIG one with me!!!"

Why NOT? You don't mind torturing ME with it!!!! Shouldn't we share the Veggie Tales with ALL of our friends?

Hmmm . . . is there a way to add songs to my blog? That way all of you could enjoy Veggie Tales!!

(Help! I think I'm going crazy!!!)